Kids Are Dumb

Kids are dumb. I mean, they are getting smarter in terms of manipulating adults and the system (especially the school system). But it seems like kids these days are getting into really awful (and sometimes hilarious) situations.

Jack is a camper who attended the camp I worked at last summer. He arrived wearing a suit jacket and shiny shoes, stepped off the bus, looking so out of place, like a lizard in the arctic. I watched him, wondering what the heck he was doing at an outdoor summer camp. He sort of reminds me of Manny from Modern Family. He looked like that kid from the show, a little bit roly-poly, too much class for a kid his age, and the tiniest bit stuck up.

Immediately Jack made clear his unwillingness to be there. He didn't want to do the activities, just wanted to go home. But it was also clear to us, the staff, that he secretly DID want to be there, but something was holding him back. On the third day, my co-worker sits Jack down and asks him if everything is okay. Jack launches into a tirade of all the illnesses, injuries, diseases, accidents that could warrant us calling his grandma to pick him up. My clever, clever co-worker says, "well you know when I had this illness, my grandma told me that going to the bathroom would fix it. And I sprained my ankle last year, but strangely enough my grandma swears that going to the bathroom would make it feel better. Do you think that maybe if you tried going to the bathroom, you would feel better?"

Jack thinks it over. You can see the reluctance on his face. The classic problem of a kid taking a dump in an unknown place. My co-worker takes him up to the private staff bathroom, hands him a magazine and says, "take all the time you need."

Five minutes later, Jack swaggers out of the bathroom, coat jacket slung over his shoulder, easy gait, more relaxed than we had seen him and says to my co-worker as he leaves, "yeah I feel better now."

Kids make poor choices everyday. The story of Jack is so silly, but funny. He was such a goofball; it was a good thing my co-worker saw through his excuses and was able to help him enjoy his time at camp.

There is another story of a kid making really terrible choices that resulted in devastating consequences. I am haunted by the news story of the 15 year old who killed another girl simply to know what it felt like to murder someone. She's now 18 years old and I can't get that sad, terrible story out of my head.

I wonder if we ever grow out of it. I make such stupid mistakes every day. Some are funny and others end up hurting the people I love. I just want to grow out of being dumb. I don't mean intellectually, but growing out of bad choices. I will be seeing a lot of kids pass through my door in September, and I just want to help them bypass the "dumb" phase.

There is a chapter in the Bible. In 1 Kings 3, a king named Solomon offers a sacrifice to the Lord. From 1 Kings 3: 5-10 is says, "That night the Lord appeared to Solomon in a dream, and God said, 'What do you want? Ask, and I will give it to you!'
Solomon replied, 'You showed faithful love to your servant my father, David, because he was honest and true and faithful to you. And you have continued your faithful love to him today by giving him a son to sit on his throne.
Now, O Lord my God, you have made me king instead of my father David, [here's the important part] but I am like a little child who doesn't know his way around. And here I am in the midst of your own chosen people, a nation so great and numerous they cannot be counted! Give me an understanding heart so that I can govern your people well and know the difference between right and wrong. For who by himself is able to govern this great people of yours?'
The Lord was pleased that Solomon asked for wisdom."

And God promises him fame and wealth and a wise and understanding heart that no one else has had or ever will have.

At the foster home that I work respite in (more on that later), the kids are always making terrible, unwise choices. Stacy had unprotected sex with her boyfriend and is now about to give birth (no seriously, she went to the doctor's today and she is already 1cm dilated. That baby is coming any day now). Jennifer moved away from home to give herself a shot of having a better life but is unable to stay away from drugs and the gangs in the city. She comes home with a bruised face sometimes, and I just want to shake her! No actually, I want to kidnap her and raise her in the most remote place on earth where she can't get into trouble.

My baby in the foster home, Kara, is the silliest of them all (mind you she's only fourteen). She purposely engages in self harm, not because she's suicidal, but she needs the attention and has blown up her problems in her mind so they become overwhelming. For example, she just celebrated her birthday, and at the party, she saw her younger brother there. The foster mom accidentally mentions Kara's cutting and suicide habits in front of her brother and the brother starts crying. Kara gets upset as well and the whole situation is terribly awkward. And Kara is soooooo mad at the mom. I was too, for not being more sensitive and reading the room. But later I was thinking about it, and I got mad at Kara. It's no one's fault but yours that your brother was crying. No one made you cut your wrists. Everyone has choices. And Kara needs to realize that she can control her circumstances, if she wants to.

I'm not trying to make light of depression, or simplify it. But in Kara's case, it is simple. She blatantly lies about events in her life to get attention. And her cuts are enough to get attention but not actually cause her harm (see manipulation). If Kara does kill herself, it will be an accident rather than intentionally.

I realize I am all over the place with my thoughts and stories. But sometimes I feel incredibly stupid, and other times I just want to shake these kids. Jack, and that girl that committed murder, and my respite kids. And myself too. I could just wait and hope that I will grow out of this stupidity. But I think I'll put my money on prayer. After all, God gave Solomon wisdom that surpassed all men. Surely he could spare me some?

Sarah